diary of a bald foodie dino

I’ve gotten to that point of my insane asylum where I’m now blogging about my food. I didn’t think it’d come to that, but here we are. It’s a dreary day out there, my room is unusually dark and the internet is spotty. What’s a gal to do?

It took me several days to realize that it wasn’t just that everything I was eating was incredibly bland and in desperate need of salt (these frozen dinners are to DIE FOR otherwise). About a week ago I finally deduced that the chemo must have caused chaos and confusion in my taste buds. This is a common occurrence with patients: chemo makes a mess of your sense of taste, often causing things to taste generally metallic (this side effect is finally starting to subside). It’s a good thing I discovered the salt thing before I started overloading in a feeble attempt to taste food. I can see it now: “Well, your cancer has responded very well but unfortunately, we now need to keep you here longer because your sodium count is off the charts…” #pillarofsalt #thebible #nolookingback #oops

And now, it's official. After days of contemplation and fear of the scientific theory, I tried the ultimate test. I put table salt directly on my tongue. Hypothesis proven, all salt sensors are completely gone. It was just as strange as I thought it would be—simply the gritty texture as it dissolved, and absolutely no flavor, whatsoever. From here, the only option apparent to me is strictly jelly beans and skittles for the foreseeable future… Somebody’s gotta gain the weight around here.

…and for your continued entertainment, please keep in mind that most of the time I’m either edging toward straight bald, or look like this. As if I couldn't get more weird and rat-like, let's add a dino head: #thecapital

lady in waiting, dino edition.

...so many chin straps.

what’s next? stickers? glitter? finger paint? sequin bedazzling? 

Let's take a vote. Just look at this canvas:

I’m also accepting your creative suggestions. I still have a fair amount of fuzz, so licking playing cards and sticking them all over my head is not a reality quite yet. 

But a gal can dream.