Today is full of contradictions
running up and down my arms
shivers and bumps, stinging my tearless eyes
I'm so proud of what we accomplished, this theatre project
was exactly what I needed, in so many ways. It is
life. It gives me life. When I have almost nothing else
to hold:
art.
But it's over now, and I'm left
with this crushing thing of a body
a mind furrowing its brow
trying to figure out how to pick up
again.
back to wasting away, watching my dreams
turn over into ugly brash metaphors of my life:
broken teeth on my garage steps, not just in my crumbling
dreamspace. It is lack of control. Everywhere.
I never thought myself as fragile. I hate this thing
I'm trapped in
A body that won't heal
weak and small, skeletal, with
a small circle of people saying
"it will get better"
how much time? how much longer?
will it ever end? will I ever be able to climb stairs without
having to stop to breathe will I ever regain feeling in my legs
will I be able to reach the bowl on the third shelf
will I be able to hike a mountain
will I be able to dance
will I be able to outstretch my arms with abandon
will I be able to cry again
will I
